Every now and then, you’ll perform a routine search for royalty-free images on iStockphoto.com and a little gem of WTF comedy gold springs up on your screen. I am certainly not the first to identify silly stock photos, but these will be my methods:
- You get to vote for your favourite! (Poll closes on February 13 at 11:59 PM, because I [heart] iStock Comedy this Valentine’s Day). Post your reasons/debate the virtues of your pick in the comments (or suggest your own contender, if you dare).
- Images that try too hard or are flagged as “silly” (e.g. people making stupid faces) are not considered.
- I purchase the images (where I can, though this installment had two pricey numbers) because stuff this awesome deserves to be freed of watermarks.
So without further ado, here are three of the strangest iStock photos I’ve seen since last time. Bear in mind that contributors want these images to be profitable and sell, why else would they be on iStock? So the greater the absurdity, and the less marketable the image, the funnier it is.
Recovered Profits
Name: Recovered Profits
iStock Photo Description: Piecharts are indicators of the profits or losses in businesses. The angry piechart represents the losses that suffocate us. The pawn [with a piechart piece under his arm] and the queen have recovered a part of the investment thanks to their ability and efficiency.
Downloads: 8
Select Keywords: Chess, Pie Chart, Businessman, Business, Blue
Why Vote For It:
- Has the production values of an episode of Square One TV
- Makes little sense without the description
- Chess + Business + Pac-Man Nod + Statistics = Mixed Metaphor Win!
- Infinite chessboard for super long chase sequence
- Pawn looks awfully chuffed with himself
- 2 Credits makes this an affordable iStock find
What’s Holding it Back:
- Stakeholders unimpressed with stolen piechart piece’s impact on bottom line
- Angry Piechart moves into bargaining stage of grief, proves better negotiator than chess pieces
Cross-dressing Dad
Name: Cross-dressing Dad
iStock Photo Description: Family gets shock when they return from the shopping trip.
Downloads: 4
Select Keywords: Change, Guilt, Cross Dressing, Humor, Embarrassment, Sexual Activity, Surprise, Lifestyles, Family…
Why Vote For It:
- Cartoonish pyramid of protected eyes
- Dad rocking his look just a tad more than mum
- Explains every awkward family dinner iStock photo
- Clothes piled in the left corner suggests Dad’s normal attire reassuringly butch
What’s Holding it Back:
- Conservative America
- Shame
- 20 Credits: That’s enough to make a cross-dressing dad want to burn his borrowed bra!
Naked Astronaut
Name: Naked Astronaut
iStock Photo Description: Photo of an astronaut standing naked in a barren wasteland, covering himself with an American flag.
Downloads: 9
Select Keywords: Astronaut, Bonneville Salt Flats, Desert, Landscape, American Flag, Humor, Environment, Space Helmet …
Why Vote For It:
- Two words: Naked Astronaut
- All the pride of “I’ve conquered this for America!” meets all the shame of the standard-issue naked-for-school-assembly nightmare
- Spaceman fighting losing battle against The Elements
- Shiny, bulbous helmet
- Intriguing combo of space/birthday suit
- Oddity potentially spacey enough to lure Bowie back to the bi side
What’s Holding it Back:
- 20 Credits: That’s 10 Angry Piecharts/Recovered Profits!
- HAL
- Modesty: let that freak flag fly, Mr. Astronaut!
- Worse NASA hazing rituals to come
